Parenting Support: Why Parental Self-Care Isn't Selfish
A family should be a cohesive unit. But that doesn't mean parents should sacrifice everything, including their own mental health, for their children. It’s actually less selfish to take time for your own self-care. But if you’ve been struggling to get in touch with yourself (outside your identity as a parent), it might be easier said than done. Read on to find out why parental self-care is so important and how to get started rebuilding your own identity.
Parents Shouldn’t Sacrifice Everything
It’s simply a myth that parents shouldn’t take time for themselves. Society has expectations that parents (especially new parents and mothers) should devote their entire lives to their children. In reality, this is a dangerous precedent. Families in which the parents are overly involved in their kid’s lives might be considered dysfunctional. These parents are more likely to feel burnt out, stressed, and even develop health issues. At the end of the day, parents who engage in self-care are better able to take care of and emotionally invest in their families.
Why it’s Important to Have Your Own Life
You’re raising your children to become stable, successful adults. The best way to do this is to prepare them for life’s challenges—to let them figure things out rather than hovering and solving all their problems. Taking time for self-care is an integral part of this. Allowing both yourself and your kids to have separate life spheres gives everyone the space to develop.
It’s also important to model a fulfilling adult life for your kids. What does this mean? Your children should see you doing activities that bring you joy, that develop you more as a person. Show them that being adult still means having fun, learning new things, and sometimes putting yourself over other people. When your child sees you constantly sacrificing yourself, they might worry about what it’ll mean for them when they grow up. Will they also have to lose themselves to start a family?
How to Start Your Self-Care Routine
Share Responsibilities
Taking care of the household shouldn’t solely fall on the parents (or one parent), especially if your children are tweens or teens. Delegate chores to every member of the household. Teach your kids that being a family means each person invests time and effort into the house and each other. This helps diffuse stress and obligations so you can devote some time to yourself.
Start a Hobby
Is there an activity you loved doing before you had kids? What’s stopping you from taking it up again? If your interests have changed over time, be fearless—sign up for those tennis lessons, learn to crochet, or start practicing a new language. Investing time in hobbies not only gives you a break from parenting, it also lets you invest in your own identity.
Stay Connected to Your Friends
It’s important to have a social life outside of your family. Keeping a close-knit circle of friends completely separate from your spouse and kids allows you to recharge and decompress with other people. Schedule regular hangouts or just make it a point to grab coffee one-on-one once in a while.
Are You Looking to Get in Touch With Yourself?
Some parents find it hard to regain a sense of identity after having children. If you feel unsure of how to even begin taking time for yourself, consider talking to a therapist. Not only will counselling sessions give you the space to be yourself, you’ll also learn more about your past, your relationships with others, and how to find pleasure in life again.
To find out more about how therapy can teach parents self-care, please reach out to us.